Monday, October 13, 2014

Peace that transcends understanding

How are we doing?  We are doing well.  Strangely well.  Many people have approached us with this question, and are usually surprised by our answer.  

We had a really bad day.  That was about all it was.  Our hearts were broken for about a day.  Some of our healing has come from a switch in the way we look at our situation.  We choose not to be upset, but emotion just about always overpowers logic. 

It's not that we are doing well because we didn't love that little girl.  We did.  There is only really one explanation as to why we are doing so well.  That reason may be obvious to many that read this blog.  There are some, however, that don't know my God.  He is the only reason that I can smile, joke and laugh. He has granted us peace that transcends all understanding, just as He promised he would.

Philippians 4:6-7 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God.  And the peace of god, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." NIV

Paul wrote that after spending 2 years in a Roman prison.  I think his troubles were at least as great as mine.  He not only had peace, he spoke to others about how great it was.

In my last blog I wrote about the support all of our friends have given us.  I don't want to diminish that love and support in anyway. However, I said that we could not have made it through without you, and that is wrong.  No matter what our personal situation, we have a friend in Jesus.  We have a friend that will never let us down.  We have a friend that can carry your burden no matter how great.  

This peace that Leah and I have is miraculous, but it is probably the least of my God's promises.  If you don't know Him and want to, I would love to introduce you to my Best Friend.  Please email me at

Friday, October 10, 2014

The power of love, prayer, and positive thinking!

Yesterday when I came to work, I had to gather myself in the parking lot before entering.  Once collected, I walked through the doors and was greeted by hugs, one coworker gave me a note that her son had written for Leah and me.  So much for trying to be professional.

Leah's announcement on Facebook has currently received 136 comments of love and support.  My last blog post has been read over 500 times, almost double our previous most read blog, Jeremiah's announcement.  I came home early yesterday to a house filled with flowers and fruit.  We have been blessed by so many well wishes from calls, emails, and visits.  One of our neighbors dropped off dinner for us last night.  Needless to say, the outpouring of love from our friends and family has been overwhelming.

Jeremiah's birth family has had a saying as long as I've known them and I'm sure longer than that.  Perhaps its not theirs, but they were the first ones I ever heard use it.  One person would say "God is good!" to which the other responds "All the time!"  I've always known it true, and thought it cute, but honestly it never really resonated with me until I needed to hear the "All the time!"  Fortunately, these last few days we have heard it not just from Stephanie, but also her mother and father.

As I said in my last post, I know God has a plan, although sometimes its hard to see, but perhaps we have already seen it.  If Leah and I just needed to endure this pain to see how loved we are, to witness our community come out in droves to show us that they care, that would be enough reason to me.  I cannot tell you how wonderful you all have made us feel.

Yesterday afternoon, after much thought and prayer, Leah and I decided we were no longer going to be sad.  We talked about how while we miss the sweet child we brought home, and we thought she was ours, she never was.  Our child is out there.  We, instead of being sad, will look with excitement to the day we get to meet him/her (hopefully her, we have a lot of pink now).  Once we made this decision it was like a light switch.  While we still get emotional when we see and hear your sweet thoughts, they are tears that stem from joy, not sadness or regret.  We know this has a little to do with our mindset, and a lot more to do with the blanket of prayer you all have knitted for us.  I cannot thank you enough.

I tell you all of that for two reasons.  One, to try to show some minuscule portion of the gratitude that we have for all of you.  Unfortunately, the English language (the only one I know) does not have the words to express how thankful we are.  And, two, to tell you that we will try again.  We originally wanted to wait for a couple of months to heal, and prepare to accept another family into our lives.  However, thanks to all of you, we are ready.  We don't want to miss out on any blessings, and we would much rather risk loving and losing again.  I would write more, but I have to call our social worker to let her know the news, too.

Thank you again.  We love you all, and would not be where we are now without you.

God is good...  All the time!

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

She was my daughter for a night

Last night I brought into my home one of the smallest, sweetest little girls I have ever seen.  We cuddled on the couch before we went to sleep.  She was my daughter.  Last night, during our few rocking sessions, we talked a lot about the future.  We dreamed about me walking her down the aisle.  We talked about the things that she would need to look for in a husband.  We talked about her God, how much He loved  her, and that if I could show her but a mere fraction of the love He has for her that I would be doing an amazing job as a father.  This morning I got one more cuddle before I went to work.  I showed off pictures of her all day to my coworkers as any proud new papa would. 

Then tonight I gave her back.  Now the privilege to give her away belongs to another man.  Tonight he is that other man's daughter, and to me she is a child I got to love for a day.  This journey that we have been on has been one of many ups and downs.  I guess I was na├»ve to assume we were done with that. Despite the trials we have been through, this was the hardest day of our marriage... of our lives. 

"If life has no valleys, then what good is the mountaintop."
"We wouldn't appreciate sunshine, were it not for the rain"
These are 2 of my favorites, although very similar, nuggets of wisdom for hard times.  Many of my friends today have used these among others, as well as the always assuring fact that God has a plan. 

I know all of these nuggets to be true, but somehow it doesn't make it any easier tonight.  I am going to sleep like a baby this night.  Unfortunately, I won't be sleeping with one.

Please pray for that little girls new daddy.  Pray that he will lover her like I would, or better.  Pray that he will introduce her to my God. 

Please pray for that little girl.  She was mine for but a minute, but she completely stole my heart.  Pray that she grows up happy, healthy, and strong.

Most importantly, Pray for my family.  My sweet broken wife.  Pray that I can be the rock she needs to lean on.  Pray that I can somehow make my loving son, who embraced this little girl, understand why she is not here tomorrow.  Pray for healing.

One last note, I do find it truly miraculous, that the person that gives Leah and me the most joy in this hard time is named after Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the lord.  "Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" - Jer 29:11